Saying Goodbye: Every culture has rituals and customs that are important for this Service in honour of their ‘loved-one’ and in celebration of their life. This is a particularly difficult thing to deal with if the death is ‘sudden, violent and traumatic’. This service is a time when the reality of what has happened can start to sink in, along with a terrible sense of shock…it can be upsetting to say the least, but is a time for saying ‘goodbye’ to the person that has been taken from us.
Whatever happens the Funeral Service is a ’monumental event‘…it is important that it is meaningful to you, and the rest of the grieving family. That later, in time… you will remember this last act for your ‘loved-one’ with joy and celebration in ‘honour of their life’ and the special times they spent with you!
Funeral Timing:
The funeral can take place only following the Coroner’s permission, unfortunately in cases of ‘Murder and Manslaughter’…the Funeral may be some time after the actual ‘time of death’.
This time is perhaps a time that thoughts could be given to how the Funeral would best honour the loved-one:-
* Did the person ever express any firm wishes about a funeral services?
* What sort of Service do you or the rest of the family feel at peace with? A quiet gathering, or an elaborate ceremony?
* Religious or modern…Church, Burial or Crematorium or other type ceremony?
Funeral Arrangements:
You do not have to use a Funeral Director to organise the funeral, you could make your own arrangements, or obtain advice from the Natural Death Centre - Telephone 0208 208 2853.
However, a Funeral Director will take the burden of the arrangements. Choosing a Funeral Director can be made simple if you have been given a recommendation by a friend or used one before.
If however, you have no knowledge of local Undertakers or their reputations, you may contact the ‘Trade Associations’ and ask for their help:
* The Funeral Standards Council
* The National Association of Funeral Directors
* The Society of Allied & Independent Funeral Directors
These associations have ‘Codes of Practise’ to cover, providing information on prices to guarantee that a funeral will not cost more than any written estimate given to you. It is important that you get this ‘estimate’ in advance, also get more than one written estimate from different Undertakers.
Most people will require the following services as a minimum:
* Take control of all necessary arrangements.
* Provide appropriate staff.
* Provide a suitable coffin.
* Transfer the ‘loved-one’ from where they are lying to the Funeral Director’s ‘Chapel of Rest’.
* Care for the person prior to the Funeral
* Provide a Hearse to the chosen place of Service…Church, Crematorium or other ‘Place of Worship’.
* Arrange for the Burial or Crematorium (as appropriate).
Other Funeral Information
Other services such as Embalming, viewing the ‘loved-one’ - providing extra limousines for Mourners are optional extras. The Funeral Director will help you to decide these important factors, but don’t be afraid to ask for a ‘basic funeral’…this will still be ‘tastefully provided’.
It is highly unlikely to receive an unsatisfactory Funeral Service that would give rise to a complaint, but if there is cause to complain, then the Trade Associations are the avenue to initially direct your concerns (this would be to the appropriate Association that your Funeral Director belongs). If this does not satisfy the complaint - the Funeral Ombudsman can also investigate. You can find out more by writing to:
The Funeral Ombudsman
26/28 Bedford Row
London
WC1R 4HL
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This series of articles was written by a Mother who lost her Son.